You know how high-profile divorces after just 72 days of marriage go. You tend to lose things—like respect for your on-camera marital partner; credibility among your fan base and sponsors; and, if you’re Kris Humphries—short-lived husband of Kim Kardashian and long-standing Saturday Night Live muse—a Ferrari. According to TheNew York Post, the N.B.A. player is not complying with his wife’s wishes for a short, simple divorce because he wants “the truth [to] finally come out. Amongst other matters, he wants to know about the Ferrari.”
How sinister! What truth? A truth other than the one we already know—that E! reality shows, like most reality shows, are heavily guided and story-boarded by producers? That the Kardashian matriarch, Kris Jenner, has birthed her children into a 24/7 publicity slave trade, of which the only way to escape is via a Dash-boutique trap door that connects to an underground railroad running through Calabasas? And how does this mysterious Ferrari fit into the picture?
Read More: Vanity Fair